That..thing’s been hangin’ around the past few hours. Constantly reminding me it’s still there. Knocked on the window hard and made me spill my beer ( the only one I’ve had so far ) It’s toying with me, and I’m getting sick of it. Seeing shadow figures wander the treeline. I’ve even caught glimpses of it in the house. I don’t like this right now. It’s more active than usual tonight….think I’m gonna take the day off from work..

-Z.McCaid

It happened again. Another “event” the doctors so sure my brain is fooling me into thinking. Peacful day for once. Got home from work, after managing those morons at the shop. Sat down and watched tv, cracked a beer and stretched out enjoying myself for once. Made plans to go see a buddy. Any normal man’s day. Then came time for me to go to bed… I was foolish to think it’d let me from it’s grip. It’s been gone the past few days. Only giving me slight reminders it was still watching. Chills when looking towards the woods. A feeling of dread now and then. Cold spots in places of my apt. that are normally warm. Not much, but just enough of a feeling to know it was watching…planning…waiting…. fucking bastard. It started when I went out for a cigarette. The landlord requires you stand on the edge of the parking lot when you smoke, as to not let the fumes bother other tenants. I casually finished my Marlboro 100, and ungracefully stomped it out with my sneaker. I began walking back to my door ( im on the bottom floor ) when I stopped frozen. The air around me became a bitter chill, a frozen-to-the-bone kinda feeling. Numbing all my senses if only for a moment. It was there. Darkening all sources of light, blacking out my physical world, blinding me. I willed my way out of it, forcing myself back inside, locking the deadbolt behind me. I peaked out the window, only to see a world of black. Trees standing tall against a pitch black sky, streetlights barely doing their job. Then I saw it, that black human figure. That faceless demon of the dark. Standing half out of the woods, just…there, but not. Almost invisible, but just enought to see. Almost Smoky in nature. It’s hard to describe, but this is not the first time I’ve seen it. ” I see you ” I tell this faceless intruder, and turn to grab a can of pineapple juice from the fridge. Thats when the knob turns….

The door bursts open as if kicked, and a sudden feeling of dread washes over me. My world darkens, and I’m sent into a downward spiral of flashbacks. That distinct yell of a Taliban soldier, just before he detonates. IED’s blowing up our convoy,ripping apart my friends. Mass grave sites filled with woman and children. Sand Storms, yelling soldiers. It all hits me in a whirlwind of hell. Suddenly I’m back at MCRD Parris Island, DI’s telling me I’m worthless and threatening to kill me. Iraq and the pure hell that was. Face’s flash by, voice’s fill and leave my head until there’s just mine. Yelling aimlessly at an empty room. My doors closed, pineapple juice spilt across the fake tile. I’m covered in a cold sweat, shaking from head to toe. Thankfully I haven’t woken any neighbors with my yelling. My breath begins to steady as I realize where I’m at. I’m not on those yellow footprints, ready to face the beast head on. I’m not in that sand, watching the world fall apart around me. I’m at home, standing in my kitchen, whimpering like a child. I’ve cleaned up the pineapple juice, and taken a shower. I thought my first ten minutes at bootcamp was scary, stepping off that bus getting yelled at. Boy was I wrong. So I’m here, sitting on my computer, jumping at every creek and bump in the night, doubting I’ll get any sleep…again. Insomnia is nothing compared to this, and this is the nightmare I deal with……fucking asshole

I need a beer…

-Z.McCaid

I suppose I should make this simple. My name’s Zach, and I honestly don’t know what I’m doin on here at almost 2am. I really should be trying to sleep, but I know if I lay down and shut my eyes, “it” will show itself and jerk me awake again. You see, my doctor told me it’d be healthy for me to write out these experiences. Explaining that the more I do, the less my brain will create these “events” I’ve been experiencing.Effectively giving my imagination an outlet. I know though that this is not something caused by that organic ball of nerves crammed behind my eyes. I would’ve lost it much sooner after 13 weeks at Parris Island, or that 2 year deployment in Hell. No this isnt something merely psychological or genetic based. The brain can’t cause happenings like this, neither can ‘Combat Fatigue’. No this all started when “He” showed up. That goddamn day he showed his mug in the park. But I really should get moving, the sun’ll be up soon and I have work. For once my Insomnia isnt holding it’s grip on me. I just hope “it” gives me a few hours rest tonight…

I’ll be happy to explain more later, but for now, bonsoir

-Z.McCaid